#3SIO Space: On the Trail of the Soul

The phone rang. A ringtone from the old days. Bodo hated the trendy ringtones. He had tried a few,but his brain did not immediately associate the auditory event with a call. That was annoying in the long run. Now it was clear. Someone actually wanted to talk to him.

Bodo was 40 years old and had a very calm manner. Nothing could easily upset him. He had a built-in emotional brake that often made him appear uninvolved to the outside world. Bodo himself found this brake a pleasant protective mechanism that he did not want to change at all.

When the phone rang, however, he lost his composure for a moment. It was mid-morning and his wife Gudrun was teaching at school. To be precise, one of Bodo’s two phones rang and it was the wrong one. He didn’t particularly like talking on the phone anyway, but this phone in particular shouldn’t have rung, because he had only just set up the number and no one actually knew it yet.

He could not remember having handed out his brand new visa card to anyone before. It was a very plain card with only his name on it, underneath the activity ‘Holistic Life Counselling’ and this new telephone number. Since Bodo was not quite sure whether he was up to the task, he did not want to raise expectations too high. He hated expectations of any kind.

Bodo answered with ‘Schilling’ and was curious to see who wanted something from him at the other end of the line.

“You can call me Alexis, I would need your advice,” said a male voice.

“So what is her full name?”

“It doesn’t matter because I pay cash every session.”

Although he had already gone through some initial interviews in his mind, such an enigmatic client did not feature in his fantasy.

“How do you know this number?”. Bodo fervently hoped that there would be a simple answer. He was therefore relieved that the answer was comprehensible.

“Your wife gave me your card.”

Gudrun had put a few business cards in her purse, hot off the press, because she always acted spontaneously and pragmatically. The answer had made him so light- headed that Bodo completely lost the thread of his well thought-out first interview templates. Fortunately, Alexis took over.

“Of course I am not calling you unprepared. Your wife told me something about your nature very briefly, but nevertheless expressively. It seemed to me to be suitable for the task. Your wife can get to the heart of a matter very unagitatedly and undramatically.”

‘Oh yes, Gudrun can do that’, Bodo thought and turned to practicalities. He did not want to clarify details of the job on the phone and suggested that they make an appointment for the first session. Obviously Alexis was not a fan of long phone calls either and so they agreed on an appointment for the next week.

Although surprises did occur in Bodo’s life, they always brought him briefly into an unpleasant state of excitement. The first client! After he had calmed down again, however, he looked forward to the task.

Gudrun was three years older than Bodo. She had an inconspicuous but attractive appearance. Bodo had met her at a demonstration in her hometown, a small town on the edge of the Alps. Gu- drun took part because the demo had been organised by pupils from the schools and she was a teacher at the grammar school. It was a ‘Fridays for Future’ event. Bodo wanted to signal so- lidarity for the concerns of the youth by participating. He had an ironic streak, but it rested on a fundamentally friendly foundation. Both were about 180 cm tall, walked side by side and inevitably looked each other straight in the eye from time to time.

Bodo, too, was an attractive man, and so the sparks quickly flew during the initially non-committal glances. A small talk about solidarity and understanding for the needs of the next generations ignited. It quickly became obvious that two souls had found each other. Both had something unexciting about them, even if Bodo was the livelier of the two. But that was exactly what Gudrun liked, who was more reserved.

The ice was finally broken when Bodo changed the slogan of the demo ‘We are here, we are loud, because you steal our future’ into the ironic version ‘We are here, we are old, it is still too cold for us’. This ironic facet was still missing in Gudrun’s life.

The demo was over around noon and Bodo invited Gudrun to lunch. The rest of the story proceeded at a moderate but very purposeful pace, as befitted the equally swinging characters. A year later they got married. There were never any big plans, falling out, or other dramatic events in the partnership, but it wasn’t boring either. Their interests were quite different, but they respectfully left room for their personal needs. The cement of the marriage was humour, which was articulated in different ways, but quickly nipped emerging controversies in the bud.

Dramatic events in professional life are often the trigger for family conflicts. But Bodo never experienced any, because he never worked anywhere longer than necessary, and Gudrun was able to smooth out any waves in the school day in an inimitable way. The pupils called her ‘Teflon‘ because everything seemed to roll off her. At the same time she was quite popular, because she taught with dedication and always stood up for the needs of the pupils. At the same time, however, she did not allow any personal closeness that would have invited assaults.

Her basic behaviour did not change even in the local art association or in her private life. Yet she still managed to spread warmth and empathy. Bodo and Gudrun had a fulfilled sexual life that had a thoroughly desirable mediocrity. In general, the couple achieved a kind of mediocrity in all aspects, which, on closer inspection, offered enough room for emotional swings, but always had a balancing effect.

Two days before the first meeting, Alexis called again and asked for Bodo’s email address. He said that he didn’t want to waste any time in the meetings because he was afraid that it would be very time- consuming later when they got to the core of the problem. Bodo was quite content with that. Some advance information would certainly give him a little more security for his first session with a client. A few minutes later the mail was already in his inbox.

Hello Mr Schilling,

Here is a CV tailored to the occasion with the most important information you need to get started. I am also on the internet if you want to know even more about me. You are welcome to do some research.

I describe here the occasion of my search for traces in relation to the soul. I am a representative of the deut of the middle class and not representative of many other people. But if you know where a track begins and ends, you can certainly understand the thoughts along the way in other life circumstances.

I was recently able to claim a pension. The popular saying goes that pensioners don’t have any time left, and sometimes that’s true. The phenomenon can best be explained by looking at a life story, and because I know mine best, I’ll use that as an example.

At the age of 15, I earned my first money as a trumpet player and ironworker. I bought a piano for it, which my parents could not easily finance without neglecting their own needs. From then on, the need to earn money continued until retirement, as almost everyone is familiar with. You will also know the painful circumstances when gainful employment does not correspond to your own ideas of a self-determined life. Unfortunately, this is the norm. More about this later.

In any case, a lot of soul rubbish accumulates, which is partly no longer perceived during the struggle for survival, or is superimposed in compensation orgies such as shopping sprees, celebration mania and other surrogates of tension release. If the pension is appropriately high, many continue to do so until death. This behaviour has many variants and it cannot be ruled out that some die in this way without complaint. With them, however, it is more likely to be a hill that is still accepted by the soul. With some people, however, it is a high mountain of soul rubbish.

That’s how it was with me, although I was a musician until I was 40, which is generally regarded as a dream job. But as we all know, the devil is in the detail. For example, what good is a dream job if you work for a company that is not the least bit interested in the well- being of its employees? There are hundreds of other reasons to be unhappy in your professional life. Unfortunately, employment usually consumes most of your time.

Now, after 40 or more years of work, you are suddenly free. Several hours a day are at your disposal. Some despair at this situation and even become depressed. Others throw themselves into activities they ‘always wanted to do’. These are the very people who now have no time at all because the end of life is quite near. But there are also those who at least still know ‘what they always wanted to do’. For some, however, the mountain of sea trash is so high that they no longer remember what they actually wanted to do. Or perhaps they never knew?

Due to various unfortunate circumstances, I had to give up my dream job at the age of 40 with a fulminant burnout and lasting damage. This forced me to think about the question of the ‘right’ profession for me. It didn’t seem to be the profession of musician, because such a breakdown has many reasons, and one of them is the wrong choice of profession. Even though it was not so clear in my case, I was overcome by a rage against this profession, even against music itself. I listened to almost no music for almost 20 years.

I then trained as an information technologist and practised this profession, including a second burnout, until I retired. Obviously, it was not the profession itself that was my problem, but what was it then?

After 20 years as an information technologist, I had reconciled myself with music and even though I could no longer play an instrument, about three years before retirement I thought about whether perhaps producing electronic music would be a suitable occupation in so-called retirement. The pragmatist in me said that this would be an ideal combination of the knowledge of both professions. So I started right away. The 3 years until retirement were supposed to be my testing time so that I didn’t do something again that didn’t make me happy.

Some people can obviously be happy with a hobby without sharing the happy moments with anyone else. However, it was already clear to me when I produced the first song that I was longing for an audience for my creations. I see this longing in most artists I know in large numbers. I also discovered a difference between the desire for financial success and the longing for the emotional connection to an audience. This can really only be separated if one is not dependent on profits from art, and even then financial recognition is quite welcome.

I soon realised that I was in a dilemma with music production as an occupation in retirement. I enjoyed working on the music and was satisfied with the results. However, the marketing necessary to reach an audience proved to be a heavy burden. After three years of testing and about 100 produced music titles, I could now draw a first conclusion.

Fortunately, the music remained completely free of marketing influences, i.e. efforts to adapt the music to an audience’s taste. However, when it came to marketing, I kept coming across things that made me extremely uncomfortable. That’s not a bad thing for a Artists are not unusual, but this unpleasantness went far beyond the usual level. My feeling told me that I was touching the pain point right here that had ultimately made two professions a mental hell for me. An objectively bearable effort grew into a limitless overload for the soul. However, I could do nothing with the word soul, although I felt it painfully. It was then clear to me that I would run into the same dilemma again and again, no matter what I did.

So I went in search of it.

Bodo was shocked. He had imagined his life advice differently. A little smaller and with everyday tips and tricks that he knew from his own life experience and that had always kept his life on a relatively smooth track. This was crying out for a professional, a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. And then there was the subject of the soul. He had never thought about the soul. It was enough for him if he could feel the soul. In art or in the soul relationship with his Gudrun. For a moment he thought about calling the whole thing off, but that was not Bodo Schilling’s style.

‘Don’t go crazy and just go for it, because nothing can really happen,’ he thought. That’s why he also refrained from researching the Internet. He wouldn’t have known where to start. He only knew the name Alexis, which was probably just a pseudonym.

Alexis was a small man with white hair and a white chin beard. His friendly and reserved appearance gave Bodo courage. Alert eyes fixed him behind tinted glasses. One eyelid seemed to have already been marked by a small stroke. The tinting of the glasses diminished with time. They were automatic glasses. Bodo found that somehow sympathetic, because it signalled a practical streak. A completely wacky artist would not have been his thing, but the clothes were also inconspicuously normal. According to his curriculum vitae, Alexis must be between 60 and 70 years old. Bodo would have estimated that without any prior knowledge. So everything seemed to be within the range of normal. That was reassuring.

“I am pleased to meet you in person, Alexis,” Bodo greeted him.

“The pleasure is all mine.”

“Please follow me into the study. May I offer you something to drink?”

“A coffee would be fine, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“I have already brewed one, please take a seat already.”

Alexis settled down in a black, very comfortable leather armchair and looked around while Bodo fetched the coffee. It was a simple study with a desk and a corner for talking. On the walls hung a few art prints, mainly chosen by Gudrun. Everything was tasteful and unobtrusive. When Bodo came back with the coffee, he unconsciously expected a small talk opening from Alexis, like ‘nice place you have here’, or something like that. But Alexis only said ‘thank you’ when Bodo put the coffee down. So small talk was not Alexis’ great strength.

So Bodo opened the conversation with a defen- sive action that was close to his heart, so as not to raise false expectations.

“I read your mail carefully and spontaneously thought that a psychotherapist or a psychologist or even a philosopher would have been a more suitable choice.

Bodo deliberately left out the psychiatrist because it somehow implied an insane asylum. Alexis’ answer came like a right hook to Bodo’s ear.

“I’ve already been through the therapist and the psychiatrist.”

“Oh, uh, excuse me,” Bodo stammered.

“It’s all good, no problem. No, I think you’re the one. Do you want the money for the session right now? How much was it again?”

The next hook came from the other side. Bodo began to sway and first sat down quickly. He could still throw in the towel now, before a crashing straight would surely hit him. He had the feeling that this jab could shake even his seemingly stable soul edifice. Was Alexis some kind of she- mane and was Bodo the patient here? Had Gu- drun hired Alexis because something was going wrong with the relationship that he hadn’t even noticed himself. He felt dizzy again.

Alexis had noticed that pure despair was raging in Bodo and he said quietly: ‘I’m a bit direct, aren’t I Mr Schilling. Forgive me, but I’ve already wasted so much time and my life won’t last forever. I already told you during our first telephone conversation that your wife has told me a lot about you. All three of us are soul mates and

You are the one! You just don’t realise it because I’m many years older. That’s significant. Your soul is still in the way of the mind, which has to get your body over the hump. The soul will take over by your deathbed at the latest, but with your help we may both succeed sooner.”

Bodo stared wordlessly at Alexis, so Alexis just carried on.

“Look, Mr Schilling, I can imagine how you are feeling right now, but it is always like this when you open up space for the soul for once. Your soul has pushed the mind aside for the moment and that’s why you’re at a loss for words now. The soul knows no language.”

Now Bodo was back to himself.

“What is your problem, anyway? You come in here like a shaman, who obviously knows exactly how the mind and soul work, and give me a lightning treatment.” That had attack potential.

Alexis relented: “I don’t know exactly. I only feel it and your reaction has an effect, but that is no proof. My mind demands proof. I can do nothing against this urge. The mind is powerful and the soul is delicate. We can only do it together. Either we find the proof or we conduct a circumstantial process. If I were to give in to the mind now, I would have to wait until my deathbed for the soul. I don’t want to wait anymore, Bodo. Help me!”

The fight was over and Bodo switched to cooperation.

“What about all those people who obviously don’t have any problems with their mind and soul, and who are visibly content. So where probably mind and soul are in harmony, Alexis? I mean, as far as there really is this difference between mind and soul.”

They had abruptly switched to the you and were now acting at eye level.

“I have a head start on you, of course, because this question has been on my mind for a few weeks, but that can be made up quickly. I can only assure you that there is circumstantial evidence to suggest it. But in the end we have to clarify this together. It was clear to me that I wouldn’t find anyone who would go on this journey with me without need. There is always something to do in everyday life. Then Gudrun came with your business card and I knew that this would be a chance. I don’t care about the money. You sacrifice your time and I’ll pay.”

“I imagined the first client a little differently, but I have already tried so many things in my life that there’s really no reason not to go into it. If you give me some more study material so that I can familiarise myself with the subject, it might work.”

Alexis swayed his head back and forth: “Well, I still have something at hand, but it won’t work without your own research. Firstly, I don’t feel like collecting the facts on my own, and secondly, I’m very forgetful and can usually only reproduce the quintessence of what I’ve read. That’s enough for a conversation but not for an analysis. You can reconsider until the next session. I’ll send you some important information by email before then.”

That was the end of the first session. Bodo agreed to the plan and wanted to discuss it again with Gudrun. Now the small talk worked and they talked for a while about fine art and music. Bodo showed himself to be a sensitive art consumer, but Alexis had not expected anything else.

The next day Bodo received an email from Alexis. It contained a link to the internet. It was obviously a website of Alexis. The link led directly to a blog post with the title ‘God of Fullness’.

It is time for a bold thought that removes a few apparent incompatibilities. I was brought up as a Christian. But over time, a fractured relationship with religion has developed. Because of the horrific crimes committed in the name of God, many people feel that way. Nevertheless, I have been able to observe a fun- damental trust in God in me throughout my life. In addition, studying religious writings gave me the insight that the authors were certainly no fools, although some statements seem adventurous at least today. So I thought about how one could transfer the clever insights into a theory that includes contradictions. This theory would then also facilitate the acceptance of diversity in the world that is recognisable to us.

Of course, the current state of science is my starting point, because it describes what we can recognise today. This distinguishes my possibility elementarily from the thought constructs of the founders of religion, who at that time had no particularly useful scientific knowledge about the nature of the world. The attempt to unite science and religion seems to me to be rather underrepresented at present. Obviously, there is no great interest on either side, which from experience has to do with human weaknesses such as fear of losing power, fear of making a fool of oneself and others. As a layman in both disciplines, I can neglect these fears.

This article was born from a video and specifically a graph. The graph shows our current knowledge in the experimental search for the smallest and the largest. Actually, the video is about string theory, but since I have only a very limited understanding of physics, I extract from the thoughts the information accessible to me. I see a kind of membrane on both sides of the scale, which at the moment separates knowledge from assumed conclusions. On a small scale, it is something that is shown in the diagram. called ‘quantum information’, and in the large it is the ‘multiverse’. The conclusion from the assumption of a multiverse seems clear to me:
“We live in one of many universes whose laws can be completely different. If we assume that quantum information is the starting point of these universes, we come suspiciously close to the fundamental idea of God.

I will take the liberty here of taking a small step back to my own reflections in order to show why I was so electrified by this idea. Artists are always asked how a painting, a song or whatever is created. I know the answer from my own experience and many other artists feel the same way. The simplest description of the initial spark is the word “idea”. In more flowery terms, it is a grain from which a small structure is formed, and the rest is actually done by this structure itself under the direction of the artist. I always say: ‘The universe does the rest’. Wow, that sounds kind of like the big bang, doesn’t it? I’ve seen a lot of documentaries about the big bang and one point has always bothered me. The fact that a universe arises from a singularity, as cosmology calls it, is still consistent with the experiences I have just described, but from what does the singularity arise? Mostly, this consideration is dismissed by the statement that we are simply too stupid to understand it. So the idea remains that it arises from nothing. The fact that EVERYTHING arises from NOTHING, however, is in the most blatant contradiction to our experiences, and ultimately also ends in NOTHING.

Now, with my layman’s understanding, I conclude from the graphic that the origin of our universe lies in a soup of quantum information of whatever kind. A bouquet of information, so to speak, that ignited like the idea for a song ignites and created a universe of possibilities. That makes much more sense to me than the singularity out of nothing. It would also be reasonable to assume that the properties of the possibilities developed from the bouquet, such as human beings, have something to do with the original information and do not take up ideas from nothing.

Now we are one step closer to the idea of God, but it is neither the God out of nothing, who is then put into an arbitrary suit by us, but rather the God of fullness. As a critical mind, nothing could be further from my mind than to take on the negligently missed efforts of the religious powers here. This work, dear religious leaders in your fancy robes, you will have to do yourselves. What I would like to do here, however, is to call for dialogue between praying people and agnostics. The bouquet of possibilities has more in store than taking each other for idiots.

The model of thought described here does not exclude the possibility of contact with quantum information out. Quite the opposite, because we can intensively experience that information of our bodily origin (parents) also works in our personality. It is always worth a try in the form of spirituality. Better than killing each other.

Under the link there was a greeting and the casual remark that there was another interesting article on the subject that Bodo could look at ‘if necessary’. This article seemed to be about photography. But Bodo was mistaken. It became clear to him that nothing was simple with Alexis and that there was always a false bottom. There was something pretentious about the article. Alexis admitted that he only had a rudimentary understanding of string theory, but he still tried to go one step further. The next article, entitled ‘Zero Zoom’, suffered from the same hidden claims. What was Alexis actually trying to prove to the world? Bodo was no genius himself, but he didn’t claim to be particularly clever either. He did what he could and was completely satisfied with it.

Anyone who has ever been involved in photography is familiar with zoom lenses. The focal length of a normal lens is 50 mm. The image in the photo then roughly corresponds to our natural field of vision. A telephoto lens brings distant objects closer and reduces the field of view. A wide-angle lens does the opposite. The zoom lens is continuously adjustable and is usually a wide-angle, telephoto and normal lens all in one. The action of changing the focal length is called ‘zooming’. The term is so common that it is also used analogously for other contexts. For example, one can zoom into a problem by looking at parts of the problem in more detail.

The exploration of our world can also be thought of in this way. The area when looking at the smallest is called microcosm and when looking at the largest is called macrocosm. Unfortunately, this is somewhat confusing. A microscope for exploring the microcosm has the function of a tele-object, although by ‘tele’ (Greek ‘far’) we rather mean the macrocosm, and a macro lens in photography is associated with close-ups, although we tend to think of space as far away. On closer inspection, this leads to some headaches when trying to understand. I myself experienced how, during my training as an information technologist, many of my fellow students got downright panicky about monitor size and image resolution. It didn’t go so smoothly in the brain that the images become smaller with a higher image resolution.

For our purposes, it is sufficient to imagine that ‘zooming in’ means looking at the details and ‘zooming out’ means looking at the bigger picture. The starting point is ‘zero zoom’, which corresponds to our current normal state, i.e. without microscope and computer analysis, without spaceship and Hubble telescope and with all the everyday worries.

If you have just received notice from your employer, you are completely indifferent to the place of the earth in the Milky Way as well as to the current constellation of the universe. You are just desperate in your mental ‘zero zoom’. You probably don’t care where on earth you are at the moment.

Now, one could argue that we are actually in a state of ‘zero zoom’ all the time, and in a way this is true, but the devil is in the detail. Obviously, our mind is perma- nently able to override this condition. We know this from the image of the confused professor licking the car key and ramming the ice cream cone into the car lock. His mind is then probably in an extreme zoom state.

When we deal with such difficult subjects as the soul, it is simply very helpful if we are aware of the zoom technique. People are very apt to do quick zooms, but usually do so unconsciously. Controlled zooms can be very helpful in making one’s statistically averaged zero zoom state more comfortable. When we are very concentrated on something, we are also in a continuous zoom state. If we are aware of this fact, we do not miss the moment when we should return to the zero zoom state (also called pause).

It can be observed that many scientists find it difficult to reach a zero-zoom state that encompasses all aspects of everyday life. This also makes it difficult to zoom out into larger contexts when working on details. Although the technical zoom is already demanding, the mental zoom is even more diverse. I will give two examples here.

The first example is a perceived zoom, which is actually not a zoom at all. You drive into an exotic holiday country and have the feeling that you are entering a different, distant world. Then, on the first day, your wallet is stolen and you immediately realise that you are still in the same world.

It is different with your nightly dreams. You are clearly in your bed, but your mind makes itself independent and leads you into dream worlds that sometimes seem absurd. It is still a mystery how the dreams come about or are to be interpreted, but it is a zoom into other contexts and details than you perceive in waking life. It is a wild zooming in and out of your apparently well- ordered feelings. Is it possible that your soul is also involved?

Gudrun had set the table in style, as expected. Not a festive table, but with carefully folded napkins dine and colour-coordinated place settings. They did not together every day, but sometimes it happened that they both had their dinner at the same time. After they had gone to the table, Gudrun opened the meal conversation.
“So how’s it going with your first client?”

“The case is tricky. Very challenging.”

“Isn’t it always like this the first time?”

“Sure, but that’s one level higher. It’s about the soul and the client knows even more about it than I do at the moment. I was beginning to think you’d sent him as a therapist in disguise for me.”

“Huh? Why should I get you a therapist? And then so secretive. That’s not my style.”

“Yes, that’s what I thought then, and I couldn’t find any reason either.”

Gudrun looked deeply into Bodo’s eyes. Was this the first serious crisis in Bodo’s life? Up to now he had always been very relaxed about his lack of vocational training after leaving school. Due to his high intelligence and very good comprehension skills, he had always found jobs that were quite demanding. His communicative nature and confident manner convinced employers.

In addition, he had familiarised himself with a number of specialist areas. A long apprenticeship seemed superfluous to him. He was also very good with electronic data processing, which distinguished him from many of his older competitors. However, he was no longer the youngest and the ice was getting thinner.

That was also the reason why he wanted to try his hand as a consultant. As was Bodo’s way, he had a few business cards printed without giving it much thought. His credo was that it was soon enough if a paid job beckoned. Gudrun always supported him as best she could. Although she found this new plan adventurous she immediately pocketed a few business cards, and it worked right away.

Gudrun wanted to bridge this moment of doubt quickly.

“I wouldn’t have thought that the first card would be a hit, but the elderly gentleman made a very serious impression and I had a good feeling right away. Otherwise I wouldn’t have told him so much about you.”

“Your art association seems to be a veritable treasure trove for clients,” Bodo replied, somewhat more relaxed again.

“He is not a member of the art club, but was there as a guest. He just wanted to find out what was happening in our small town in terms of art. Normally he travels internationally and doesn’t pay much attention to the local art scene.

“How did he introduce himself to you then?”

“It was a bit strange. He introduced himself as Alexis and actually only said that he had once been a professional musician and had retrained as an information technologist after moving to the south of Germany. Some of the advertisers from the art club also knew him as a computer expert.”

“That’s all he said?”

“As I said, some people already knew him. For them it was just new that he used to be a musician.”

“And they knew his real name too?”

“I think so, but it didn’t come up. After all, Alexis was not the subject of our session.”

“Well, then we’ll leave it with Alexis as long as there is no need to change that. He pays cash for every session.”

“Maybe the distance is important to him.”

“Yes, that is possible. Somehow there is also explosiveness involved. It’s pretty much a matter of the soul. I’ve already received a biography and I’ve also been able to read two articles from his website.”

“But on the website, surely his real name must also appear.”

“Yes, I know him too, but I feel that distance is the right choice in every way. Let’s leave it with Alexis.”

“That sounds dramatic. I’m getting curious. Now I’d like to take a look at the website, if you don’t mind.”

“The website is public. Anyone can look at it. Of course I don’t mind. Maybe you can help me a bit. After all, it’s my first case. There’s also a CV on the website, but it’s quite different from the description I was sent. Not in the facts, but in the statement. It would be exciting if we could share our impressions on different levels of knowledge. After all, the subject is exciting. In any case, I have never thought about whether the mind and the soul are different things.

“Is that what this is about? No personal crisis management?”

“It seems to be both in one, but I am not asked to solve any of Alexis’ problems directly, only to participate in a research. Alexis has already been through all the waters of psychotherapy. He has already had two burnouts.”

“This is getting more and more exciting. As long as I don’t find anything better, I’m happy to participate in your research. But if it gets too personal, I’ll drop out.”

“I’ll send you the link to the website and everything else will fall into place.”

They talked a bit about the soul in music, because there was a lot of Alexis’ music on the website. However, neither of them had ever heard a song in its entirety. Besides, Alexis didn’t seem to be interested in the soul in his music. That would have been too easy, and Alexis was never easy.

Towards the end of the meal, they briefly talked about Alexis again. Gudrun remarked: “What does music have to do with computers? Don’t you find this combination of professions strange?”

Bodo pulled his shoulders up questioningly. It was enough for him for today.

Bodo had read both articles on the website. He hadn’t got much further in the week because the two articles revealed a world of thought that seemed confused. They were very exciting topics, but Alexis didn’t seem to have the patience for a further examination of a single topic, and in the process lostthe thread for himself. Bodo saw two possibilities for a solution to this problem. Either Alexis had to go to the next psychotherapy or someone would help him tie up the threads. But since Alexis was no fool, he seemed to know this himself and had already chosen the second option. In this case, Bodo was the ‘someone’.

Alexis was wearing the same clothes as at the last meeting, only the shirt was light blue instead of dark blue. Alexis assumed that the underwear and socks were also fresh. A subtle men’s scent supported this assumption.

After they had taken a seat in the study, Alexis immediately took the initiative again.

“How did you like the articles?”

Alexis obviously didn’t want to know what his email with the CV had looked like. That seemed to be typical for him. One step further.

“First of all, I read your curriculum vitae, which was adapted to our topic. I would like to say a few things about it first,” Bodo interjected. He noticed that he was slowly growing into his role. After all, he was the advisor here.

“Of course, as you wish. You are my advisor and not the other way round. I also wanted to say that being on first-name terms does not mean a loss of distance for me. As a former musician, I’m used to it. Musicians are always on first-name terms and my son told me that it is becoming more and more common even in business. I think it’s a cultural change.

There it was again. Three trains of thought in one go, including clairvoyant abilities regarding Bodo’s thoughts. Apparently you had to get used to that when talking to Alexis.

“Being on first-name terms is no problem for me.” Bodo only addressed part of the statement. He left the rest uncommented.

“Great!”, Alexis replied just as curtly. He had spontaneously switched to reducing his thought processes. That signalled adaptability and respect. Now Bodo had the continuation of the conversation in his hand. He had made some notes.

“You write in your CV that you accumulate soul rubbish during gainful employment. I can guess what you mean by soul rubbish, but are you really sure that this is the case for everyone?”

“Of course, it is only an observation, but in the many conversations with friends, acquaintances and relatives, scenes keep coming up in which something happened at work. Those affected also describe psychological injuries such as belittlement, lack of recognition, insults, excessive demands and much more. I know from my own experience that these injuries are difficult to heal. Then it becomes a pile of injuries. I call it soul rubbish.”

“But these things also happen in private life or already in childhood”.

“Absolutely, but I have left out this aspect for once because otherwise it would be too complicated. Besides, I have already worked through this for myself and think that for the search for the soul it is advisable to first reduce the complexity.

At the same time, working life accounts for a high proportion of many people’s lifetimes and the likelihood of injuries in this context is therefore increasing.”

The answer suggested that Alexis was well aware of his weakness in thinking too many things at once. That made things a little easier for Bodo.

“All right, so let’s assume that there is something to this soul rubbish. We should also neglect how much soul waste comes from your childhood. You have probably already worked through this with your therapists. That leaves the question of where mind and soul part company. I can’t find any clues yet. As you describe it, the soul is rather a vulnerable aspect of the mind.”

Alexis nodded and looked a little distressed.

“That is my problem. My mind tells me that body and mind form the I-consciousness as one unit, but in the aforementioned working through of the problems with the therapists, an inexplicable remainder remained. And this rest seemed to me to be significant. Today I can live relaxed, but I have the feeling that I could not die relaxed.

Bodo raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Do you really think you can die relaxed?”

“I had already had a stroke and several other stroke patients died around me in the hospital. I was lucky and everything went quite harmlessly for me. Nevertheless, the thought comes up, what if it would be over now. This thought won’t let me go and I wish I had an answer.”

So there was the explanation for the slipped eye-lid that Bodo had already noticed at the first meeting.

“So you mean if you find the soul, you have the answer?”

“Yes, I actually believe that.”

“You seek God, Alexis!”

“I don’t rule that out, but then God is just a word for something inexplicable and a very abused word besides.”

It was quiet for a moment. Bodo looked thoughtfully out of the window. It was the beginning of December and more snow had already fallen than usual for the time of year. Now it was snowing again. Without turning his gaze back to Alexis, he said, “Word meanings are usually blurred. There are many terms whose meaning changes over time.

The term egoism, for example, has a clearly negative connotation today, although it actually only means the aspect of asserting one’s own interests. It does not fundamentally exclude empathy.

Bodo continued to stare out of the window and after a short pause added: “Actually, it would suggest that the world has become more empathetic when self- interest is seen so negatively.”

It was remarkable that Alexis did not take advantage of Bodo’s short break. But Alexis also had a reflective phase. Bodo now felt much more comfortable in his skin. His help was accepted.

“Maybe it is,” Alexis said.

This was followed by an analysis of the observable state of the world with regard to empathy. Globalisation, including the worldwide exchange of information, was recognised by both as a prerequisite for growing empathy. The question remained as to why people tended to have the feeling that self-interest and deceit ruled. However, since the flood of information also contained contradictory aspects, no real contradiction was seen in this. However, it was noticeable that the media almost exclusively reported negative things. This raised the question of why the media believed that people were more interested in negative than positive news. One became agreed to look into this question in more detail in the next step.

Alexis seemed agitated when they parted. Bodo suspected what was going on inside him. He had already discovered a tendency towards impatience in Alexis very early on. Probably this excursion into a detail of the subject was already too much for him. It wasn’t happening fast enough for him. When Alexis had gone, Bodo thought about it for a while. The course of life breathed an air of loneliness. In a form Bodo was not familiar with. Alexis had asked Bodo for help because he knew he could not solve the problem alone. Now this help seemed somehow unpleasant to him. But after all, Bodo was not a psychotherapist and so he rigorously closed this thought and got ready for a little walk in the driving snow.

The next day Bodo set out to find the term ’empathy’. He began with Alexis’ website, which he wanted to take a closer look at anyway. To his surprise, the word empathy appeared there quite often. Why then did Alexis instinctively resist an analysis so strongly? Bodo also discovered the source of the pseudonym Alexis. Alexis had divided his comeback into the music business into several projects. Each project had a name that was also used as an artist identity. Alexis had invented a little story for each artist identity. The artist obviously had no lack of imagination.

The identity Alexis was supposed to be an intelligent coffee machine that produced music and videos. There was also a stage play to go with it, but strangely enough it was assigned to a different artist identity. That was extremely confusing. Why did Alexis use this particular pseudonym when working with him, Bodo asked himself? A machine? This was no longer a double bottom, but a whole layer of bottoms. Bodo remembered the passage about marketing in Alexis’ CV that he had sent him. It was obvious that marketing was a horror for Alexis under these circumstances. Obviously, Alexis was the victim of his own complexity. What kind of listener would have the leisure to fight his way through this maze of information? On the website there was also a curriculum vitae for the press. This listed all the stages of the musician’s life and seemed much more transparent. What was striking, however, was the variety of musical styles that Alexis had served as a musician. Simple is different, Bodo thought. Listening to Alexis’ music had already become too much for Bodo.

The next step was a search on Wikipedia.

Empathy refers to the ability and willingness to know, understand and empathise with the sensations, emotions, thoughts, motives and personality traits of another person. A general term corresponding to this is empathy. Empathy is commonly understood to include the ability to respond appropriately to the feelings of others, such as compassion, sadness, pain and helpfulness out of sympathy. However, recent brain research suggests a clear distinction between the empathic capacity and compassion.

The basis of empathy is self-awareness – the more open a person is to his or her own emotions, the better he or she can also interpret the feelings of others – as well as self-transcendence, in order to be able to overcome ego-centred mental attitudes.

Empathy plays a fundamental role in many sciences and fields of application (e.g. music), from criminology to political science, psychotherapy, psychology, physiology, physiotherapy, nursing science, education, philosophy, linguistics, medicine and psychiatry to management and marketing.

Source: Wikipedia 2021

Bodo read the interpretation three times in a row. Much of it was identical to his own use of words. But two passages rang a bell in his head. It was the reference to newer knowledge about the difference between empathy and compassion and the reference to overcoming egocentric mental attitudes. The former bore a resemblance to Alexis’ attempt to separate mind and soul, and the latter seemed to concern Alexis himself. Was Alexis’ complexity based on an egocentric mindset and was his search for the soul a kind of attempt at liberation? Had Alexis perhaps realised that he was his own enemy? Bodo spontaneously thought of the music machine. Did Alexis not trust himself with anything. Although Bodo wanted to avoid any presumption about psychological treatment, he had to talk to Alexis about it. Perhaps Alexis already knew the problem from his therapies and had just not yet been able to fully implement the consequences. That could also be the explanation why he was now searching almost desperately for the soul. Then Bodo would be the right one again, because his achievement should rather be a practical implementation of solutions to problems, and not the search for the cause. Bodo made a mental note:

Self-esteem / introverted?

Alexis actually made a confident impression on strangers, but Bodo recognised some contradictions. He thought of a proverb and added it to the note:

Still waters run deep.

Bodo had mastered the art of the pause like no other. Now it was time for the midday magazine at the TV while sipping tea with pleasure.

Of course, Corona was the main topic in these times. But there was also some celebrity news and cultural news. Then he was suddenly hit by sensational news. A professor he didn’t know, Joachim Bauer, had just published a book called ‘The empathic gene’. Bodo had recently seen a video about the progress of genetic engineering and now this book was coming out.

In short, the doctor, neuroscientist and psychotherapist had discovered a connection between gene activity and a being oriented towards humanity and humanity.

A freely chosen inner attitude that is oriented towards a meaning-driven, prosocial life favours gene activities that serve our health. If people make full use of their social potential and embrace the desire for a good, meaningful life, this will also help them to protect their health and strengthen their inner healing powers,’ Bauer described the quintessence of his research.

Bodo was far too lazy to read the whole book. But what he read was enough as a new building block in the search for the soul. The search had now become his own. In the evening, Bodo finally listened to a few songs by Alexis. As was to be expected by now, it was again a rollercoaster of emotions. Catchy pop songs with partly profound lyrics alternated with instrumental dance tracks and avant-garde jazz titles. Each title was carefully sorted into the respective projects, but as a whole it was difficult to convey to a normal listener.

In addition, the catchy pop songs also had rapid twists and turns. Strangely, however, one could recognise a continuous signature of the composer that stood above everything. Did the soul of Alexis show itself here?

It was a glorious winter’s day. The sun was shining from an unclouded sky with a light frost. Gudrun and Bodo had some standard routes fortheir walks, which always took place in the morning because Gudrun liked the light so much. Today they walked the longest route in their walking catalogue. The path was snow-covered, but already bogged down by farm vehicles. The starting point was on a hill that offered a breath-taking view over the chain of the foothills of the Alps all the way into the Karwendel offered. It was a perfect day.

After exchanging their enthusiasm about this enjoyment of nature, the two talked about incidents at school. Gudrun reported that the pupils had adapted impeccably to the Corona restrictions, only regretting that some parents found it more difficult in contrast.

“The pupils are not the problem. They behave in an exemplary way and show solidarity, but as soon as they are picked up from school, some of them change the behaviour. It almost seems as if they want to please their parents by going over to the Corona rebellion. They demonstratively tear their masks off their faces and shout ‘Fuck Corona’ before getting into the SUV.”

“That’s really sad,” Bodo commented. “How are these children supposed to become self-confident people? They are raised to be monkeys to their parents.
‘From Monkey to Man’ is the name of a kind of musical by Alexis, by the way, but I haven’t listened to it yet.”

“How are things with Alexis?”, Gudrun asked.

“Actually quite good. He is a really nice person, but can also be very confusing. Our topic has grabbed me in the meantime. At the moment it’s about empathy.”

“I thought it was about the soul,” Gudrun objected. “Well, empathy has a lot to do with the soul, doesn’t

it, or do you feel differently?”

“Yes, you are right. I haven’t yet dealt with the soul so intensively. I haven’t had time to take a look at Alexis’ website yet. You said that there is a lot of music. What kind of music is that?”

“You have to hear it for yourself. It’s hard to write.”

“Not free jazz, surely?”

“Where did you come up with free jazz? Alexis actually used to play free jazz, but also a lot of other things. He then almost didn’t deal with music at all for over 20 years. What he does today is very diverse.”

“Then maybe I can listen to it once. I drop out of free jazz. That’s too aggressive for me. I need recognisable forms. That goes for art in general. Classical music is still my favourite.”

“You don’t have to tell me, my darling. I know you.”

“Alexis was also an orchestral trumpet player, among other things.”

“Orchestral musicians and free jazz? Is he insane?”

“Funny, that’s the second time you’ve suggested that something doesn’t add up about Alexis. Do you remember that you said that musicians and computer experts don’t go together?”

“Is he schizophrenic?”

“As far as I know, schizophrenia manifests itself differently than the layman believes. I am sure that Alexis is not mentally ill. But he is a difficult character. Somehow he doesn’t seem to see the limits at which living out artistic freedom collides so harshly with social understanding that one can only endure it as a bird of paradise. But he leads a conventional life as a faithful family man and husband.

“Is that why he seeks the soul? To patch up the contradictions?”

“Maybe,” Bodo said quietly and quickly changed the subject. He had had enough already.

Sunday was as harmonious as ever. We had dinner together and afterwards Bodo watched a sports programme. That was actually the end of the day for him. Gudrun disappeared into her room.

Just as Bodo was getting sleepy, Gu- drun yanked open the door and called out:

“This guy is sick!”

“Who are you talking about? I’m almost asleep!”

“I just looked at your client’s website and then clicked through a playlist on Spotify. A healthy mind can’t produce something like that. If I understand correctly, he produced 100 songs in 2 years. If it was always something similar, I’d say he’s just a hard-working artist, but this mishmash. Just sick!”

Bodo was angry. He had never seen Gudrun like that before. Firstly, that was too hasty for him and secondly, it had a distinctly reactionary undertone. Reactionary attitudes were abhorrent to him:

“You sound like my grandma. Go listen to Mozart until the drool comes out of your mouth!”

“Granny? If I’m too old for you, why don’t you find yourself a young slut who likes to listen to sick music?”

Bodo was devastated. Just before falling blissfully asleep, now in the highest state of excitement. It could not go on like this.

“Gudrun please! It’s just a client and not my best friend. I’m just trying to be objective about this. Please calm down!”

Gudrun slammed the door and never showed her face again. Bodo was stunned, but he didn’t feel like doing anything remorseful, because he hadn’t done anything wrong. So he lay down in bed and stared helplessly at the ceiling for two hours until he finally fell asleep.

The welcoming ceremony was held with the theme of ‘Weather’ completed. The coffee was served and everyone had made themselves comfortable in the leather armchairs. Bodo took the initiative:

“What do you think of Mozart?”

“You can’t go far wrong with a commitment to Mozart in bourgeois cultural circles.”

“That sounds snappy!”

“That’s the way it’s meant. You could ask in the same way what I think of mountains. Mozart is a mountain in the history of music. Now one person likes the mountains more, the other the sea. If you ask for the reason for the preferences, it’s usually a close call. The fan of the beach and the sea might say that the mountains restrict him. But the confinement is only in the valley. On the summit you are free. I like the mountains. Preferably high and rugged towards the summit. But why do you ask that?”

“My wife is a Mozart fan.”

“Aha, actually not a bad choice, but Mozart didn’t touch me very often. At least in relation to the quantity of his works. When it was the case once, though, it was intense. He was undoubtedly a master.”

“What music by other artists touches you?”

“It’s always just moments or certain elements, like a voice. The whole work of an artist can’t possibly hit my soul. You become a fan of an artist when it happens very often with that artist. A rather pragmatic approach. The fan cult is rather an embarrassing thing, even if the industry makes money from it. When some people devote themselves completely to an artist, it has alienating features for me. Does your wife listen to Mozart on continuous loop?”

“I don’t really know that. She prefers to listen to music alone.”

“But she does go to concerts, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah sure, but then it’s not music by Mozart, it’s more recent music.”

“That shows curiosity. That is good. A balance to her intimate love of Mozart. Mozart is her solid foundation for bold excursions. Rigid people don’t have that kind of courage. They are already spiritually dead. Their body will then follow inconsequentially and the soul has found no echo in this existence.”

“Then was she ever present at all?”

“Absolutely. The soul is always present everywhere. There was only a weak resonance in this fictitious existence. The resonance may have been there once, but it probably disappeared under a mountain of soul rubbish that could not be penetrated later.”

“Are you actually aware that you are irritating? On the one hand, one has the impression that you know everything about the world and on the other hand, you look for help like a drowning man.”

“I am old! An old person has had many experiences. If he has an alert mind, he has drawn conclusions from these experiences. If he then took the time to reflect on these conclusions, he appears wise.”

“Appears wise or IS wise?

“I’m careful about that. I am by nature a cautious person. If I were to say ‘is wise’, I would be implying that there is a factual wisdom, but there is not. The term ‘peasant wisdom’ gives a clue to the problem. Sorry, but I also studied philosophy once, and there’s a lot of linguistic care left over from that. It’s sometimes burdensome, because I take it as seriously as a scientist, even though I’m not one. I should probably let it go, shouldn’t I?”

Bodo needed a little time-out to process what he had heard and pretended that he needed another coffee. He went into the kitchen. It was becoming more and more absurd what was coming to light in Alexis’ story. Now a philosophy degree as well. How would a stranger see it who hadn’t spent a few hours with Alexis? He simply wouldn’t believe it! This curriculum vitae must have been thought up by a sick person. Gu- drun’s spontaneous reaction was not so far from that. He remembered a text by Hölderlin that had once made a great impression on him:

If you have a mind and a heart, show only one of them. If you show both at the same time, they will condemn you.

Bodo had returned to the study and immediately unpacked the quote he had just memorised with the remark that he had just remembered it by chance.

Alexis nodded, “I know it.”

Bodo thought: “Shit, you can say the smartest thing in the world, and always comes the reprise ‘do I know or do I know’.”

He picked up his notepad to take the initiative again. The first thing it said was
‘Self-esteem’. He now wanted to become much more aggressive and immediately reached one drawer too high.

“Could it be that you have a problem with your self- esteem?”

Alexis slumped a little and answered quietly:
“I really did it all.” An outpouring of humility surged towards Bodo.

Now Bodo felt sorry for the old man and blamed himself for running him over like that. He gave in in a friendly way:

“I believe you, Alexis. But maybe you don’t have to tell everyone. It could harm your soul.”

Alexis just nodded. They had clearly arrived at a therapeutic session now, but Bodo strangely didn’t feel bad about it. Still, a swing into the more non- committal could not hurt.

“I recently heard about a new book in which a researcher describes how empathic feelings or actions has measurable effects on genes.”

Alexis grinned mischievously. “Oh, really?”

Bodo froze and thought: “No, that can’t be true now, he already knows it!” Then he added loudly and smiling, “Of course, you already know it.”

Alexis switched to humour, “Don’t know, but I’ve heard of it. Certainly after you.” They laughed.

They now discussed whether it would make sense to read this book. Bodo assumed that Alexis didn’t really want to, because he seemed to know everything already. And so it was. Alexis, however, suggested that Bodo ‘take a look’. This again had a double meaning. On the one hand he gave Bodo a feeling of responsibility and on the other he signalled a certain disinterest. Bodo was overcome with the thought that this could be one approach to explaining Alexis’ multitude of ac- tivities. He took everything seriously but could never do justice to the seriousness because it was simply too much for him.

The session was coming to an end and Bodo made a bold move: “Would you like to talk about your childhood at the next session?”

“No!”

That was clear. They agreed on a Christmas break.

Bodo and Gudrun loved Italian cuisine. Corona fortunately still left the possibility of a visit to a restaurant according to the 2G regulation. Both were triple vaccinated. During the week, it was also pleasantly empty in the restaurants, which made the risk of infection even smaller.

The brief but heated argument had left both of them feeling uneasy. They thought an Italian meal with a glass of red wine would be a suitable setting for reconciliation. Bodo liked pasta dishes and Gudrun ordered saltim- bocca. Before the meal was served, Bodo took Gudrun’s hands and opened with:

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Silence. They looked deeply into each other’s eyes until they had to laugh.

“How was that already?” asked Gudrun.

“Seems so!” replied Bodo.

They laughed again and toasted with the glasses of red wine. Then they talked about the different cooking cultures. Gudrun came to the conclusion that the soul is the most important thing in every dish and that a good cook must always try to reach the soul of the guest. There it was again, the soul.

The year was coming to an end. Alexis had already stopped producing new songs a few weeks ago. Firstly, his self-imposed test period for his comeback had expired and secondly, the Christmas business of the major labels would also cover everything else. Before Christmas, he had released four albums of older songs. That was his personal final record, so to speak, for the past 3 years. The first year was his apprenticeship in the production of electronic music. music.

Actually, he wanted to draw a conclusion now, but something was stuck. Some aspects were clear. He had reached many listeners with his small music label, which suggested success, but the financial result spoke a completely different language. Interestingly, this was exactly the opposite of his first career as a musician. That had left no sense of achievement, but fed his family excellently. That was kind of crazy.

Up to now, music in Alexis’ life had always been connected with the goal of earning a living. Although it was clear to him that this would change factually with a pension, it did not change his subconscious attitude. It was written in his subconscious that one made music in order to get paid for it. That’s how a professional thinks!

Bodo’s and Gudrun’s reactions to his life had made him think. He tried to recapitulate it again in a matter- of-fact and simple way from a third person’s point of view.

Alexis was a quiet, introverted child. Every report card in the lower school of the grammar school contained the remark that he was too quiet. Then came puberty and the first cliques formed at school. Since he had an artistic inclination, his clique was interested in art, and Alexis could play the trumpet quite well. At the age of 15, he was allowed to help out for a few months in a regionally successful cover band. The lavish fees made up for his rather underdeveloped self-esteem. He also experienced that music has something to do with work. He now wanted to become a professional musician. However, an enquiry to the trumpet teacher ended in the verdict ‘unprofessional’. suitable’. From then on, his idea of a ‘suitable’ profession drifted into the void.

The Abitur came sooner than expected and a degree was on the cards. Since his parents had no connection to academic careers, it was left to Alexis’ imagination to decide what the right course of study was. But Alexis’ imagination flourished and he had the gift of fantasising himself into many scenarios. An attempt to study architecture failed due to a lack of form. So he simply drove to the nearest university and asked for recommendations at the enrolment office. A young assistant looked at his school leaving certificate and decided that German studies, philosophy and musicology would be the right choice.

Five years later, Alexis doubted this choice, especially since he was already earning his money with music. It seemed logical to him to study it as well. The nearest conservatoire did not have a course in jazz, which was where Alexis had landed stylistically. The most obvious solution was to study to become an orchestral trumpet player. Alexis had underestimated how caringly the students at the small elite college were treated in order to realise their supposed career aspirations. But a life as an orchestral trumpet player also had a place in his imagination.

The challenges of being accepted in jazz as well as mastering the classical profession made him proud, but he also felt signs of being overwhelmed. The respective colleagues have different mentalities and the sense of belonging to a group is very pronounced.

He felt his orchestra exam as a release from this burden and wanted to dedicate himself to jazz from then on. Unfortunately, a graduate of the music academy was a sought-after object for orchestral substitutes and one could earn good money doing so. Some time later, requests from theatres joined in. Alexis was considered very adaptable and artistically gifted.

Everything went on logically and one musical genre after the other joined in. Alexis had become a sought- after substitute and studio musician for all genres. After he had reached the sound barrier of 300 gigs a year at the age of 35, things went downhill physically and mentally. He fought his way through the various music scenes at this level for another 5 years, until his body and soul made a clear decision, and that was called ‘Burnout’.

Everything was obvious and logical, but where was Alexis’ leitmotif? And why did he feel today that the first career was unsuccessful?

On the first day of school after the Christmas holidays, Gudrun came home dejected. Bodo remarked immediately that something had happened at school.

“What happened?” he asked immediately, concerned.

“I have a new pupil in the class who was already announced as ‘difficult’. However, that is far from an exaggeration. The beast is a little devil.

“Is she dumb?”

“No, on the contrary, highly gifted. She is said to have a promising career as a pianist ahead of her.”

“Then why isn’t she at an elite school for highly talented young artists?”

“Because Corona has mixed up quite a few things and she is currently serving compulsory schooling with us.”

“Is she cheeky?”

“No, not at all. She doesn’t need to speak out to show her contempt. She does it in an inimitable way. It goes through you when she finds your weak point immediately.”

“What weak point did she find in you?”

“You know that I am always friendly and committed to my students, but I keep my distance. And it was exactly this distance that hurt her the first time. I asked her to introduce herself to the class and she said that I could do it myself because I knew everything from her file. She said it calmly with a smile that makes your blood run cold.

“What’s the carrion called?”

“Alexa.”

“Oh dear! Alexa and Alexis, what a coincidence. We should probably take our holiday in Alexandria this year,” Bodo joked.

“I’d rather not. It’s probably full of such idiots.”

“I don’t think you should call either Alexa or Alexis idiots,” Bodo became serious.

“You know what I mean,” Gudrun relented.

Bodo remained serious: “Two artistic personalities. Alexis tends to show self-doubt, but Alexa’s behaviour indicates an exaggerated sense of self- worth.”

“Now you’re already talking like a psychologist, Bodo. As I liked ‘Jack of all trades’ better.”

“The curse of the new job. Was that actually all that upset you so much?”

“That’s what’s so strange. Alexa always gets to the point immediately. Repetition is not necessary to achieve the full effect.

The next day, Gudrun came home with teary eyes.

“Alexa again?” Bodo already suspected the reason for Gudrun’s tears. He had never seen her like this before. Gudrun began to cry again. “She’s a soulless psychopath,” she said, sobbing, and disappeared into her room.

Before Alexis hung up his coat, he pulled a USB stick with a folded sheet of paper out of his coat pocket. “Before I forget it later. I co- pared an unusual Mozart interpretation for your wife and wrote a few lines about it. That’s how I like Mozart.”

“Thank you very much, my wife will be pleased,” Bodo said.

The thaw had set in and it was a gloomy, uncomfortable day that had already hit Bodo in the stomach in the morning.

“Don’t take offence if I’m perhaps a bit harsh today, but days like this make me depressed.”

When they had made themselves comfortable, Bodo opened the conversation: “I’m not particularly good prepared and I’m in a bad mood. Just start.”

Alexis nodded in understanding and began: “I have noticed your irritation about my curriculum vitae and have taken another look at my first career as a musician with distance. I am aware that it tends towards therapy and that you are not a therapist and don’t want to be one, but our real topic plays a big role. I’ll try to make it short. Everything was a coincidence and came about almost without my doing. My mind was in full control and the mind only wants what is obviously best for the ego. I was fighting music and not feeling. It was really just about not looking like a failure and accepting all the challenges that came up without resistance. I ignored my soul and it was all about money and prosperity for my family. That is not shameful, but that is how the soul rubbish came about. My soul obviously had a different plan for me, but I pushed everything disturbing aside. That’s why everything was so exhausting.”

“Me, me, me!”. Bodo was annoyed. “Can you imagine that I also have a soul? And it’s telling me right now that you’re an egocentric and I should cancel our contract.”

“Bravo, Bodo. That’s how it should be!”

Bodo jumped up and shook his head, “No, it doesn’t work like that, Alexis. You’re abusing me!”

“Please Bodo! Don’t give up now! I promise you that it was the last time I spoke of myself. We could assume that my self-knowledge is evidence of the existence of the soul alongside the mind and record that as an observation.”

Bodo was a little more accessible now. “If you give me one more general indication that has nothing to do with you, I would think again.”

Alexis thought desperately. Bodo was right that he assumed too much about himself, but there were other clues, weren’t there? Unfortunately, Alexis had so much to do with himself that he immediately extracted everything into supposed solutions. Everything had to be quickly converted into usable nourishment for Alexis. A survival recipe that he actually no longer needed. Even if he did nothing at all until the end of his life, he could survive on his pension. Then he remembered a podcast he had heard recently.

“There is a coach who works on the basis of astrology. He tells of many cases where his soul work has made people happy again. They all had their souls ignored too!

“Are you kidding me, Alexis? Astrology?” Was Bodo suddenly overcome with the feeling that he was far superior to his client and that the latter was just a confused naïf? For Bodo, belief in astrology was proof of the limitless stupidity of esotericists.

“Have you ever read a detailed astrological analysis of your own being?” countered Alexis.

Of course Bodo hadn’t.

“It’s amazing how accurate your character is in this. I’m not saying it’s all true, but it’s amazing. And then there’s a popular personality analysis on the internet. You can try it out for free. Many people I know have done it and they were absolutely overwhelmed!”

Bodo couldn’t counter that sensibly and suggested that he wanted to try it out once, so as not to come across as ignorant. Alexis wrote down a search word for Bodo’s personality analysis, stood up and said that he didn’t want to take up Bodo’s time unnecessarily and that his research into the matter took time. He said a friendly goodbye, put on his coat and left the house.

Alexa Lombardi was born in Bolzano in 2006, the daughter of the well-known brain surgeon Guiseppe Lombardi and the cellist Anna Homler. She received piano lessons from h e r mother from an early age and played her first concert at the age of 9. Maurizio Pollini discovered her unusual talent and taught her from then on. Later she was also encouraged by Daniel Barenboim. Barenboim once described her as a ‘picture-perfect scratchy-haired girl with an abysmal soul’. International attention her extremely tender Mozart interpretations.

Gudrun would soon be home from the teachers’ conference. Bodo took the USB stick that Alexis had given him for Gudrun and unfolded the note.

Dear Mrs Schilling,
I heard from Bodo that you love Mozart. Here is a recording of one of my favourite Mozart compositions. It is the Piano Fantasy in C minor.

It is played by the very young Alexa Lombardi. Considering Alexa’s age of 15, it is an amazingly mature interpretation. Alexa herself says about this piece:

One of Mozart’s best compositions. Mozart explores all human emotions in this fanta- her. When I first heard it, I didn’t like the sudden swings from slow to fast and back again. Now I appreciate them, because I realise that mood swings are not just a matter of time. Mozart explores every emotion known to us and paints it in sound’.

Bodo froze. He couldn’t do that to Gudrun. On the other hand, it was an excellent test for his work with Alexis. How would Gudrun react to the music without knowing who was playing? It was dangerous but appealing. He decided to give Gudrun only the stick with Alexis’ best regards and then wait and see how Gudrun reacted. He was not comfortable with this plan, but curiosity won out.

After they had eaten dinner, everyone would disappear into their rooms again today, because there was no programme to do together. This was the time to make the most of it. At dinner Bodo asked hypocritically about the state of affairs with Alexa and was relieved to hear that Alexa had already left the school. According to Gudrun, they had found enough private teachers who now had to deal with the girl.

As Gudrun set off for her room, Bodo timed the moment: “Would you like to listen to some music together? Alexis has recorded something for you.

“That’s very nice of Alexis, but I don’t feel like listening to his music.”

“It’s not his music, it’s a Mozart interpretation.”

“I wouldn’t have thought he had so much empathy for other people. That’s really nice.”

“It’s a piano fantasy. I’m sure it’ll only take a few minutes. It’s not a whole piano concerto.”

“All right, let’s hear it together. We don’t usually do that very often.”

“Maybe we should think about why that is, shouldn’t we? We have an expensive music system here in the living room that we hardly use.”

Bodo plugged the stick into the socket of the music system and sat down on the couch next to Gudrun with the remote control. He lovingly put his arm around his wife, gave her a kiss and started the music.

Bodo didn’t know much about classical music, but he hadn’t heard anything like it. At first he thought the volume level was set too low, until he realised that it was so quiet on purpose.

That should have been played by a little bitch? Impossible! Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Gudrun had closed her eyes and looked very peaceful. The piece was longer than he had expected, about 13 minutes long. The fantasy ended with some powerful arpeggios.

Bodo looked curiously at Gudrun. Gudrun breathed: “Wonderful. I haven’t heard anything so soulful in a long time. I bet it was played by a woman. Who was that?”

Now the moment had come. Bodo had a lump in his throat and felt guilty. He could say nothing and wordlessly gave Gudrun Alexis’ note.

Gudrun read the lines and her features stiffened. She threw the note at Bodo’s feet, went wordlessly to her room and slammed the door. This time Bodo didn’t want to risk a later reconciliation. He let a few minutes pass and then knocked carefully on Gudrun’s door. “Gudrun, may I come in?”

“Yes, come in.”

Gudrun was visibly angry. “Have you gone mad? I’m not your guinea pig. This is really an infamous act. Only men can think up something like that.”

Bodo tried to be as gentle as possible: “I swear to you that it wasn’t planned. Alexis didn’t know anything about your story with Alexa. We don’t talk about you. And certainly not in the style of a male friendship. Alexis and I even had a heated argument in our last session. I even wanted to quit the job.”

“You can’t seriously be saying that it wasn’t planned to let me listen to the music first and then pull out the mace.”

Bodo pressed on: “I wouldn’t call it a plan. At first I didn’t really know what to do when I read that the recording was by Alexa. Then I had the admittedly stupid idea that we should listen to it together and I would give you the information afterwards. I hadn’t heard it before.”

“Yes, but you knew what that would do to me.”

“I knew what the information would trigger, but I had no idea what the music would do. I didn’t expect this ex- treme contrast. I’ve never experienced music that moves you like this.

Gudrun looked down: “She doesn’t normally do that either. That’s the shocking thing about it. That beast Alexa hurts and caresses my soul at the same time. I can hardly stand that.

“But you have to admit it’s interesting.”

Gudrun stared at Bodo in amazement and shouted: “Interesting? Interesting? You find it interesting when I lose the ground under my feet?”

Gudrun burst into tears and Bodo couldn’t hold back his tears either. They cried uninhibited and purified their souls. Then they kissed passionately until desire took control of both bodies, which united in a wild act.

Gudrun felt the need to talk to her best friend. She called Elke and they agreed to meet in a small café in the city centre.

Elke Holzer and her husband ran a small bakery in the nearby neighbouring village according to old handicraft traditions. It was an insider tip in the region and Gudrun was also a regular customer there. However, the couple had already met at a New Year’s Eve party in the town hall. They were table neighbours and in the course of the evening a lively exchange of ideas developed, which later led to a friendship.

The Holzers were several years older, but this did not detract from their mutual sympathy. Elke even developed motherly feelings for the sometimes lonely teacher whose mother had died too young. After they had taken their seats, Elke opened: “What’s weighing on your soul, sweetheart?

Gudrun told the whole story with Alexa and Alexis in detail. Elke was an excellent listener. When Gudrun reached the end, Elke said, “Just so I understand, the thing with Alexa is over, isn’t it?”

“Actually, yes, she is no longer at our school, but the insults still have an effect. Elke replied: “I don’t want to offend you too, but two days with a stubborn brat really shouldn’t throw you off track like that. There must be something else going on. Did you have a fight with Bodo?”

“Since he’s been coaching Alexis, we’ve been having arguments all the time. But basically we still get along well.”

“What is this guy who has such a strong influence in your lives? The Mozart thing is just an unfortunate coincidence. You shouldn’t see it so narrowly.”

“I don’t really give a shit about him, but Bodo is strongly influenced.”

“Well, a coach has to deal with his clients. A doctor is also concerned when a patient dies under his hands. Maybe Bodo has taken on too much as a coach. Is this really such a difficult case? Do you know the real name of this mysterious Alexis?”

Gudrun mentioned the name.

Elke opened her eyes in amazement: “This is supposed to be a hard case? We know him. He programmed our software for the company a few years ago. He’s a very calm, friendly man. No complications. And he used to be a musician? I can’t imagine that. He never said a word about it.”

“I got to know him exactly as you describe him, but for Bodo he seems to be a closed book.”

“But that sounds more like a Bodo problem. If your Alexis is really our man, then something is wrong. Believe me, I’m a good judge of character. He’s been to our place several times and he’s as normal as they come. Just like our neighbour and regular customer, an internationally renowned painter. He doesn’t have his paintings under his arm when he comes to us and we chat a bit.”

“But you don’t know what he’s like when he paints. Maybe a completely different person.”

“I am also a different person when I calculate the business with my husband. Of course, you’ve never noticed that. My husband is a baker with a passion. He would also still bake, if we were broke. I have to be very strict about that. That’s where the sparks fly, darling.”

“I can’t imagine!” “But it is!”

“And Alexa?”

“The same in green. She IS a pubescent, renitent brat at the moment and that’s exactly how you met her. When she makes music, however, she is a precocious artist. You’ve had the misfortune of seeing her in both roles. That’s a coincidence. You couldn’t tell the difference. From now on you will be able to. It’s a new experience.”

“And Alexis and Bodo?”

“Also the same. Bodo lumps the human being together with the artist. That’s got to go wrong. How old is Alexis now?”

“Sixty-six. He just retired and he keeps talking about soul rubbish.”

“Wait until Hans and I retire, then maybe we’ll have time to work through our soul rubbish. But at the moment we are still fighting for survival. You’re a civil servant and haven’t experienced the feeling yet, and Bodo is a bon vivant who is probably also dealing with survival issues for the first time fight comes into contact with you. You don’t have children either. I don’t want to hurt you, but that’s how it looks.”

Gudrun became very quiet. Elke took her hands and looked kindly into Gudrun’s eyes: “I am happy for you that everything is harmonious with you, but the world around you is wild and dangerous. When you realise that, you can be even happier together.”

Elke had to go back to the shop. They hugged each other goodbye and Gudrun said softly, “Thank you, Elke. You are a treasure.”

Bodo opened his internet browser and typed in the search word Alexis had written down for him-. te. The website appeared at the top of the search results and promised amazing results. Of course, there was a business behind it, but there was also a free trial of the service, which was only supposed to take a few minutes. The paid, detailed result was probably mainly aimed at recruiters, who were supposed to be able to assess applicants in this way. This already made Bodo feel uneasy. He started with the test, which consisted of a few dozen statements about everyday situations. Whether the statements applied to the test person or not had to be rated on a scale from ‘True’ to ‘Not true’.

Bodo could easily rate some statements as ‘True’ and others as ‘Not true’. However, it often happened that his mouse pointer moved from one extreme to the other on the scale. Then Bodo usually took the middle. That was clearly something of a coincidence.

After a few minutes, the test was already completed and the result literally shot onto the screen. Bodo was supposedly a ‘protagonist’. The short description portrayed him as a charismatic and inspiring initiator who knows how to captivate his listeners.

Bodo saw himself standing on a stage in his mind. His audience applauded enthusiastically at his powerful speech. That was definitely not him! He was already fed up and saved himself the trouble of reading the more detailed characterisation.

Alexis’s first task was thus completed for him. The next one would have been astrology. Bodo thought for a moment about where to start, but actually it was clear to him that it would end similarly. He clapped his hands in glee and said to himself, “Done!”

A lexis was exhilarated. He was obviously eager to hear Bodo’s results of the research. Bodo would have to disappoint him badly.
“I took the personality test,” Bodo said. “And what came out?” asked Alexis curiously. “I am a protagonist.”

“A protagonist? But that’s me, it can’t be.”

“Why can’t it be?”. Bodo let Alexis know nothing of his disdain for the test. He acted strategically to satisfy his curiosity about Alexis’ reactions. This bore a resemblance to his behaviour in the Mozart story. He was also immediately ashamed, but the ship had already picked up speed and he could no longer get off the boat.”

“We are quite different after all.”

Bodo countered: “Didn’t you say at the very beginning of our acquaintance that we were related?”

“That’s something completely different. Character has nothing to do with the soul.” Alexis looked annoyed, “Give me your notebook, I’ll take the test again in a minute. It’s been a year since I took it.”

“Do you think your character would have changed this year?” Bodo was surprised to discover that he could also be biting. Alexis brought out whole new facets in him. Bodo handed him the notebook, which Alexis literally snatched out of his hands. Without answering Bodo’s last question, he devoted himself to the test. Bodo left Alexis alone in the room and went into the kitchen. He had nothing to do there, but he didn’t want to watch Alexis trying to manipulate his result. After about ten minutes, he returned. Alexis smiled trium- phally and called out, “There you go! Logician! I guess I wasn’t honest with myself the first time.”

Bodo felt sorry for the old man, but now he had to go through with it: “Or not now.”

It was obvious to Alexis that a thousand things were now running through his head. He was looking for a way out of the dilemma, because it was clear to him that Bodo was right. Alexis was no fool and self-doubt was deeply rooted in his nature anyway. Then Alexis’ tense mouth loosened into a mischievous smile: “I’m making a fool of myself, aren’t I Bodo? A laughing stock.”

In a split second, Bodo’s brain flashed through possibilities of a diplomatic answer. He again had the uncomfortable feeling of superiority towards Alexis, but then decided simply for the truth.

“Yes!”

Alexi’s smile grew even wider, but took on a hint of bitterness. Bodo could stand it no longer. He went to the window and looked out. As he did so, he thought silently: ‘Your humour, or rather your irony including self-irony, is only a protective shield. You are a sensitive child in an old body’. He would never have dared to say something like that to Alexis’ face. Besides, he suspected that Alexis already knew that. He wasn’t really looking for the soul, but for a way out.

“Do you think we should stop our search here?” asked Alexis into the silence. That sounded true.

Bodo had the feeling of floating and was quite enraptured by his answer: “You said that we would have to conduct a circumstantial trial if necessary. The closing arguments are missing.”

Alexis stood up, shook Bodo’s hand and asked: “Is one week enough to prepare?”

“Absolutely. I think that each of us already has the plea in us.”

Through the window, Bodo saw Alexis walking away with her head hanging. Alexis found the meeting a crushing defeat. His mind searched for arguments that promised leniency, but his soul was not receptive to them.

Gudrun liked to read the newspaper. The Corona pandemic still dominated the headlines the front page. Incidence levels were falling and scientists were cautiously optimistic that the situation would return to normal by the end of winter. Hurricanes in North America had caused great devastation and a volcanic eruption in Indonesia had killed many people. Gudrun continued to turn the pages and was electrified by a short message:

Piano star disappeared

Police announced yesterday that 15-year-old Alexa Lombardi has been missing for four days. She is considered one of the greatest talents of the classical music scene. The police do not exclude the possibility of foul play, but refer to the young star’s well-known extroverted behaviour.

The girl’s parents had called the police after Alexa had not returned from a piano lesson. Alexa’s driver had been waiting outside the music academy. According to the police, it is a mystery how the young woman left the building and what happened afterwards. Any police station will be pleased to receive any relevant information.

Gudrun would have liked to think about the news, but her brain was completely blank.

Bodo had done his work. They were smaller orders from regular customers. There was the completion of an Excel sheet with additional data for business statistics, the formatting of an important business letter and the adaptation of a website imprint to the latest legal requirements regarding data protection. In the meantime, there were many more service providers for these small IT services than before, but the local tradesmen remained loyal to him. The fees were still so good that Bodo’s additional income to Gudrun’s teacher’s salary was enough for a carefree life. As Bodo was already sitting at his computer, he opened his YouTube account to watch a few videos. It increasingly annoyed him that the algorithms of the social media channels thought they knew more and more precisely what he was interested in, but at least they still occasionally met his taste.

He had noticed that more and more videos about the nature of the universe were among the suggestions. This could have something to do with Bodo’s research for Alexis. Sometimes it only took one targeted link to trigger a whole avalanche of suggestions of the same kind. In Bodo’s case, it began with the viewing of the video on which Alexis’ first article was based. A video about string theory. Today, a video about Stephen Hawking was at the top of his suggestion list: ‘Stephen Hawking Knew What Happened Before the Big Bang’. This was exactly what Alexis was talking about. What Happened Before the Big Bang?

The video began with the information that Hawking had been working on this subject for 20 years, and Stephen Hawking was considered a genius. How could Alexis presume to have a say in this? As was to be expected, even Hawking had no clear answer. Bodo had to laugh when he imagined Alexis arguing with an atomic physicist: ‘I have no idea, but couldn’t it be that I know the answer?

But perhaps the physicists would listen with interest when he spoke about the soul in music. He could fabulously fabricate. Bodo wondered why Alexis, despite all his self-criticism, had never noticed that he was dealing with so many things he wasn’t up to. Or had he already noticed that and not managed to take the step of admitting it to himself?

Did he perhaps see it as a failure? It would fit with Bodo’s suspicions that Alexis had a self-esteem problem. Bodo did not have that problem. He felt splendid and the confrontation with Alexis had reinforced that feeling.

Now Bodo had had enough of philosophising and switched to TikTok to watch some funny short videos.

The air had become thin for Elke and Hans’ business. The customers continued to be loyal, but the costs for raw materials were constantly rising and somewhere the customers’ understanding for higher prices had its limits. In addition, the industrially produced baked goods were getting better and better. The difference in taste decreased from month to month. In the meantime, many test persons in blind tests could no longer perceive the difference. Although they had inherited the house, bakery and shop from Hans’ father, the profits were soon no longer enough to live on. Elke called a crisis meeting and of course Hans followed the boss‘s call.

“Something has to happen, Hans.” Elke opened the session.

Hans nodded and had an idea ready: “We’ll bake real wood-fired bread now. We could build two wood-burning ovens in the garden. That would be the hit, wouldn’t it?”

“Have you lost your marbles? We don’t know how to make ends meet any more and and you propose new investments that we can’t even afford?”

Elke was seething with anger. She loved her husband for his uncomplicated, delicate nature, which was hidden in an overdimensioned body. But this naivety was too much for her: “Do you really think this will get us one step further? We should rather think about closing the shop. We could convert the shop and bakery into living space, downsize ourselves and live off the rental income. Probably even better than now.

Hans was shocked: “You know that I am a baker with heart and soul. What am I supposed to do then?”

“Baking can’t be the only meaning of life you can think of!”

Hans had fallen silent and looked down at the floor. Elke continued: “Hello Hans! Ground station to spaceship!”

Hans looked defiantly at Elke: “My father baked until he died!”

“No Hans, your father handed over the bakery to his son in due course, and then he wandered around the bakery until he died, occasionally sticking his fingers into the dough!”

“I might as well hand over the bakery to our children and still help out there while I can.”

“Are you kidding? Our children have signalled more than once that they are not interested in the bakery. Our son is studying law and wants to go abroad and our daughter wants to be a signatory. What’s going on in your head?”

Hans stood up and said: “I have to prepare the sourdough now. Let’s talk about it again later”.

He gave Elke a kiss on the forehead and shuffled into the bakery with his back arched.

It was a sunny Sunday morning and a mild foehn wind was sweeping over the Alps. The sun was still very low at this time of year and Bodo could only see Gudrun as a silhouette against the window. He stood up and closed the blinds. Gudrun turned to him: “Please leave the blinds up, you know I love the light.

Bodo didn’t feel like arguing and he opened it again without comment. Then, as they were cutting open their sandwiches, Gudrun opened the conversation: “Alexa has disappeared.” Bodo was irritated: “I already know that she’s no longer in your class.

“No, that’s not what I mean. She’s all gone now. She’s missing.”

“How do you know?”

“I read it in the paper.”

Bodo made a puzzled impression: “And why are you only saying that now in such a trivial way?”

“It’s inconsequential to us, isn’t it?”

“Well, how you take it. A student hurts your feelings in just two days, then disappears from school, and now maybe for good. There’s something dramatic about that. Do the police know more about it yet?”

“A crime seems out of the question. The facts of the disappearance speak against it. Alexa probably deliberately disappeared into thin air. Disappeared somewhere. She is believed to have closed her account with substantial cash deposits.”

“But she was only 15.”

“Alexa’s smart. She will have found a way.”

“Maybe she couldn’t stand her own brokenness any more.”

“That’s exactly what I thought. You are trained like a circus horse by your parents and then realise that this is not YOUR life. Alexa is only 15 years old, but you have to assume that her mind is already very mature.”

“Her mind or her soul?”

“I mean her mind. I’ve been thinking a bit about the soul in the meantime. I don’t think everyone has a soul of their own. It is the mind that is developed through genes and experiences. It grows over time and then controls actions as best it can. The mind corresponds with the soul, but wears the trousers. It can also ignore the soul temporarily or even for life. Alexa had intensive contact with the soul through music and recognised its importance. Since her mind was awake and adult, she had to resolve the conflict that was recognisably raging within her.”

Bodo stared at Gudrun: “And you hurl such a profound analysis at me casually over breakfast? When I’ve been dealing with the subject for weeks and haven’t made any progress?”

“It’s probably because you have more distance from the subject. Even if it shook you up a bit, you haven’t been personally hurt yet, Bodo. You are still a virgin. Your mind has developed differently. Your parents are still alive, you have never taken on any great responsibility and you are a bon vivant.

“So much for the lack of injuries. You’ve just done it.” Bodo was annoyed.

Gudrun stood up, stood behind Bodo and wrapped her arms around him: ‘I love you the way you are, Bodo. Besides, I don’t think you’re really offended at all. That’s not your nature. You are just as balanced as your parents because you grew up that way. The soul is comfortable with your mind. You are helpful, you can give love, you can rejoice and enjoy. And the most important thing is that you don’t overtax yourself and the soul.”

“You mean I’m a lazy dog?”

“What’s wrong with lazy dogs? They are not vicious! They can be faithful companions who have found their purpose and fulfil it reliably.”

“So why am I getting angrier and angrier now?”

“This is your mind. It’s struggling right now with the norms of our society, which cries out for diligence and self-sacrifice. Don’t listen!”

Gudrun gave him a long kiss and sat down again. Bodo had the feeling that he didn’t know Gudrun as well as he had assumed. He looked at her for a long time and noticed how he slowly became calmer again: “Shall we go for another walk right away? The weather is just too nice.”

Gudrun smiled: “That would be really nice. I’m looking forward to it.”

The work of a famous composer was to be performed for the first time and Alexis was hired as a substitute because a trumpet player was ill. It started when Alexis couldn’t find the concert hall, even though he had left extra hours before. Suddenly the car was gone. Yes, it was just gone and he was sitting on a chair in the middle of the road. Now he didn’t know whether it was worse that he had forgotten his musical instrument or that he didn’t know how to get to the concert hall.

This stressed him so much that he simply omitted a piece of the hand- ling in the dream. So suddenly he was sitting on the same chair in the middle of the orchestra.

Alexis was extremely sweaty and the sweat was running down his face. His feet were already in the water when the conductor stepped onto the podium. The water was so high that it ran into his shoes. But so far no one seemed to have noticed anything.

The conductor turned reverently to the composer, who was sitting in the front row, and bowed. Everything was very solemn. Then he turned to the orchestra, raised his baton and looked Alexis di- rectly in the eye. He smiled kindly and nodded encouragingly. Now it started. The music was very extraordinary and all the musicians moved in emotional ecstasy.

Alexis saw his chance. He stood up and did pantomime contortions for lack of an instrument. He yanked at his hair and let out sharp cries. Everything seemed to be going well. The conductor made a satisfied impression and the composer also seemed to agree with the performance up to that point.

Alexis already felt safe when suddenly the orchestra fell silent. The conductor’s body was taut as a whip and his baton vibrated in the air. All the musicians turned to Alexis.

Obviously, a solo passage was to follow. Alexis’ condition was desolate. His shirt was torn and hanging out of his trousers. The tailcoat was in a pitiful state and everything was dripping wet. Strangely, no one showed any irritation.

Now Alexis would have liked to know what to play so that he could at least interpret the passage pantomically, but the music stand was empty.

Then merciful darkness enveloped him. He found himself without a spaceship in the vicinity of a foreign galaxy. With his coat dripping wet and his shirt hanging out. The composer floated next to him. He smiled in understanding.

The next morning Bodo sat down in front of the screen of his computer, called up the browser and entered ‘mind vs. soul’ in the search field. He wanted to prepare for his plea. The list of results was long. He went through all the entries on the page and read only the titles and summaries. That was already enough to realise that soul was used in two different meanings.

Half of the websites were biblical interpretations and soul was often lumped together with mind. He called up two of the websites, but the interpretations seemed rather dusty to Bodo and also did not have much to do with the soul, as they came up in the conversations with Alexis and Gudrun.

He had already feared that the vagueness of the language would once again fall on their toes. The neuroscientific websites promised more yield for their search. Brain research had obviously already progressed so far that the titles already promised a definitive solution to the problem.

He got stuck on a video titled ‘mind, soul and body – finally understand!’ was on. After a minute, however, he switched the video off again. It also started with the biblical interpretation and obviously only tried to show the different interpretations. That didn’t get him anywhere now.

The next video was entitled: ‘How the Brain Makes the Soul: Explained by Gerhard Roth’.

That sounded like science and Bodo called up the video. It was a lecture by an elderly neuroscientist to interested laypeople. That fitted. Unfortunately, the video was over an hour long, but Bodo could switch off when he had already understood everything that was important to him.

But he watched it with growing interest until the end. Roth made it clear right at the beginning that the soul being discussed here was not the biblical soul. He briefly referred to the origin of this interpretation of the soul in the ancient philosophers and also called it the etheric soul. The great Greek philosophers, such as Plato or Aristotle, had already dealt intensively with this kind of soul. Plato’s interpretation seemed to Bodo to best fit the conception of Alexis, but also Gudrun.

The soul already exists before it moves into the body. This is called pre-existence. In this state, the soul floats freely in the realm of ideas. There it is omniscient because it can look directly at all ideas. Especially the ideas of the beautiful, the true and the good, which are actually only one idea.

Now Roth swung into brain research and outlined the historical milestones. Then it became concrete. The most recent research results understood the soul in the limbic system, which has an influence on the mind in the cerebral cortex, but not vice versa.

This was a bitter disappointment for Bodo, because it would make a nonsense of the presumed conflict between mind and soul. Brain research also sees the limbic system as the seat of the subconscious as opposed to the consciousness in the cerebral cortex. With regard to psychotherapy, causes for pathological development of the subconscious from the womb to the age of 15 years were then pointed out. At this age, the development of the temperament or personality would be complete.

Bodo thought: ‘Alexa IS 15 years old’.

Bodo then learned about the amygdala, which supposedly forgets nothing, and where the subconscious stores the patterns of what it has learned. The conclusion was, that obviously it is not the mind or mind that ‘wore the trousers’ but the soul, or the subconscious. This was clearly not the tender soul they were looking for. However, Bodo recognised some possible causes for Alexis’ problems.

The fact that Alexis didn’t want to talk about his childhood suggested that something had gone wrong. And if Roth was right, the mind could not repair it so easily. But the fact that it was apparently possible to overwrite the patterns stored in the amygdala in lengthy therapeutic processes and with newly created brain cells in the hippocampus was certainly comforting for those affected.

Bodo had to go back to Plato and started a new search for ‘Plato soul’. Computer scientists are wont to say: ‘Google knows everything’ and alongside the other philosophers, the pages of the shamans, astrologers and soul healers now appeared, so they felt more connected to Plato’s definition than to the results of the latest brain research. After all, the ancient Greeks are a good reference. Moreover, objections from the scientific community could be killed with the argument that this was a completely different matter.

Bodo was now faced with a triple jump instead of a separation of mind and soul. Etheric soul, subconsciousness, consciousness. Since the subconscious obviously controlled the consciousness, it boiled down to the question of the relationship between the subconscious and the etheric soul. Since he could also follow Alexis in his thoughts on the God of Plenitude as a synonym for the soul, it all boiled down to ‘subconscious vs. soul/God’. Did this take him further?

NO!

He was left only with respect for Alexis, who was very close to Plato with his term ‘God of Plenty’:

The soul is omniscient because it can look directly at all ideas.

Now he rather believed that Alexis had actually studied philosophy. However, since the shamans, astrologers and soul healers also referred to it, one could just as well put them all in a sack and start banging away. It seemed that something very profound always came out.

Fog lay over the city. Alexis looked lost. They sat down at the
The two of them sat down at the meeting table and first took a sip of hot coffee. It did them both good. “Shall I start?” Bodo asked.

“Gladly!”, Alexis replied tersely.

Bodo stood up and walked back and forth in the courtroom like a lawyer: “Your Honour, dear sisters. They both laughed and the ice was broken.

“At the beginning of the process, we assumed that there was a conflict between the mind and the soul. The evidence speaks against it. If we equate mind with mind, brain research proves that we accuse an innocent person with the mind, or consciousness, which corresponds to our intelligence. The conscious mind has a superior, namely the subconscious mind. The subconscious can be equated with our temperament, our personality. The development of the personality begins in the womb and essentially ends at the age of 15. After that, the fish is cleaned.

All personality disorders do not originate in the following years and have nothing to do with whatever the consciousness decides or believes it decides in daily life. The conflicts are already laid out as patterns in the amygdala. The overwriting of these possibly pathological patterns is only possible through a lengthy therapy. In the process, new brain cells are also formed in the hippocampus. So much for what we had in mind as a mind.

Now to the soul. Unfortunately, brain research also calls the subconscious the soul. This almost brings us to the end of the argument, because if our play were to take place in a single place, it would be a very lousy performance. Fortunately, there are other interpretations of the soul. Just as fortunately, this soul is found in another place.

This soul is also described as the etheric soul and is actually not locatable at all. This soul has a striking resemblance to the ‘god of abundance’ as my colleague Alexis has described it.

However, contacting this soul is preferable to shamans, astrologers or soul healers. The majority of science is not concerned with transcendence. However, where scientific observation is omitted, the door is also opened for impostors of all kinds. To avoid the danger of falling into the hands of an impostor, the only thing left to do is to deal with one’s feelings in a very personal way. At this point, however, we can again fall back on science, because brain research does indeed investigate how feelings arise. However, it remains largely open what constitutes a feeling in the end.

It is and remains confusing. At the end of my plä- doyer I do not want to neglect to draw a personal consequence from the research. When I am well, I can assume that both subconsciousness and an assumed aetheric soul vibrate in the same way. This makes any further research into the causes superfluous as long as I do not earn my money with it.

If I am not well, I should first check my personality patterns and possibly overwrite them with the help of a therapist. The aethetic soul can only alleviate the symptoms for the moment of contact. Should a permanent contact with the soul be possible, it is quite conceivable that the pathological personality patterns will also be overwritten.

However, I’m doing very well and that’s why I’m stopping at this point, because I’ve realised that mental overload harms me. Maybe I sometimes have contact with an etheric soul, but there is obviously nothing to fix in my subconscious, so it all goes into an indefinable joy of living.”

Bodo was proud of himself. He hadn’t thought himself capable of that. And it still had lightness to it. But he knew that with a new case of this kind, it would lose its lightness and everything would turn into expectation. He hated expectations.

Alexis had listened attentively and kept digging in his beard. He already had a document for his plea in front of him. He folded it up again and put it in the inside pocket of his tweed jacket.

Then it got up, went to Bodo and hugged him. It said softly, “Thank you Bodo, you have helped me a lot. Goodbye!” Then he went wordlessly into the hall, put on his coat and left the house.

In the following night, Alexis had a dream. He was strolling through the cemetery, which was directly across the street from his flat. At the level of the memorial plaques for those who died in the Second World War, Alexa Lombardi suddenly appeared next to him. She was half a head taller than Alexis. She leaned down a little so that her mouth was very close to his ear: “Do you want me?”, she whispered.

Even in the dream Alexis felt shame and avoided the question. “You are a pretty girl and I am an old man.”

“I didn’t ask if you wanted me,” Alexa whispered, “that was my question. All men desire me, but almost all of them are afraid to admit it. They are cowards. Are you a coward too?”

Alexis bent his head down: “Yes, I’m a coward too.”

Alexa had disappeared again. The cemetery looked very different from before. It was a cemetery in his birthplace. Alexis knew what that meant for the continuation of the dream.

He would again desperately search for the way home. Then there would be the scene he was already familiar with, where he would visit his dying mother in hospital and he would not be able to recognise her. Finally, there was the insurmountable task of bridging not only the distance but also the time.

The private teacher had just said goodbye for the day. He was glad that the lesson was over. was. Alexa still had plenty of time before her piano lesson at the music academy. The driver would pick her up in time. An organ raged in her brain. She would have liked to talk to someone familiar, but there was no one there. Her father was absorbed in his work and her mother was probably devoted to her orchestra rehearsal. But in Ale- xa’s eyes, they were no confidants either. She fetched an old doll from her room, sat it on a chair in the kitchen and imagined it was her imaginary little brother.

“Well, slime bag, did you shit your pants again? The nanny will be here soon to clean you up. Dad and mum couldn’t resist creating another zombie. They wanted to make sure that their screwed-up genes would live on in all shades. I can well imagine how your father struggled to get it up and mother imagined her getting fucked by Gus- tav Mahler. Simply disgusting!

Now you’re sitting there, you meat sausage, and you don’t yet know what’s in store for you. Be happy!

At first, you’ll enjoy strumming on the piano until mother gives you your first dose of lessons. Then the fun is over. None of these morons will ever ask you which way might be right for you. They concrete the way for you.

Then at some point you’ll think it’s the worst thing that could have happened to you, but there’s worse. At least you’ll always have enough money to break out of the madness, but most of the other kids are poor and their parents haven’t even concreted a path of their choice, but leave you in the mud. I don’t know if you can blame anyone, but it hurts like hell. Either way. You shouldn’t have to suffer that! Rest in peace, slimeball!”

Alexa ripped the doll’s head off and took it to her room. There she packed the head and torso into a cardboard box and shoved it under her bed. She had carefully worked out her plan. Everything was prepared. One more hour of piano lessons and she would be free. She didn’t need to pack much because she had enough money in her bodysafe to buy new clothes. A backpack with a wig and shabby baggy-style clothes was deposited at the college. No one would ever trace her.

Alexa’s professor was, as always, entranced by her play. When the lesson was over, Alexa went into a rarely experienced frenzy of joy. She went to the basement where the student lockers were, took her backpack and changed in the toilet. With her wig and clothes, she was no longer immediately recognisable. So she was able to leave the university unnoticed.

Out of the corner of her eye she could still see the driver waiting for her. It was still too early for the train to Bolzano. She made her way to Karolinenplatz, passed the Amerikahaus Munich and then turned off to Maximiliansplatz. She stopped in front of the shop window of Steinway & Sons and stared into the salesroom.

Then suddenly a young man stood next to her. Hip- hop was blaring from his headphones. He looked at her and said, “Piano sucks!”

“Bullshit,” Alexa replied. He took off his headphones and put them on Alexa: “Prince Pi!”.

“Horny,” Alexa said after listening for a while.

The young man took the headphones from her again. “Do you live somewhere too?”,

“On the road!”

“Gimmie Five!”

Alexa high-fived and the young man moved on.

It was getting dark and Alexa made her way to the Stachus. It had started to rain, so she took the S-Bahn for the last stretch to the station. She looked at her unfamiliar reflection in the window pane and saw real people sitting in the background.

Everyone had their own baggage to carry. The darkness and her camouflage made the surveillance cameras at the station come to nothing. She boarded the train to Bolzano.

That was just the first stage, complete with a romantic touch of childhood memories. After that, we were to head further south. Very far!

One week had passed since the last session with SBodo. Alexis had spontaneously felt a change in his state of mind after Bodo’s plea, but had no desire to think about it. That was new!

During that week, everything he did took on a pleasant lightness. He enjoyed this state. His wife also testified to a change in his behaviour. She said he had become more accessible.

Of course, the time had now come when Alexis couldn’t help but think about the reason, but he was looking for the answer in a new way. His relaxed state must have occurred several times before, otherwise he would probably already have ended up in the madhouse.

Recapitulating a feeling needed no analysis, only memory. And he quickly found what he was looking for. He remembered the wonderful moments when a concert was over. And this beautiful feeling needed nothing more than that it was simply over. And there were still the beautiful moments of cancellations. It didn’t matter if he had cancelled something, which rarely happened, but also the cancellations of the organiser. The result was always the same. He had to do NOTHING!

Now he did the countercheck. Yes, there had also been events that he had enjoyed while doing it, and they had accumulated in the very last time. So he was obviously already on his way. All that was needed was the voice that finally said YES. YES to one single possibility and NO to all other conceivable possibilities.

The world was diverse, but Alexis was allowed to be simple-minded. He quickly formulated the decisive question he wanted to ask himself in the future when he planned something: “Are you ready for it?

Then he put it to the test by applying the question retrospectively to all the things he had done recently and the answer was very often: ‘NO!

Some time ago, he already wanted to hang a saying by the Persian poet Saadi at his workplace:

Everything is difficult before it becomes easy.

Now he made a new printout and added: But not everything will be easy for YOU!

Finally, he listened to what his soul had to say. It rejoiced!

Elke and Hans gave up their business. They had decided not to sacrifice their savings for a vague dream. After a period of doubt, they accepted the course of events.

Bodo and Gudrun continued to live their usual lives. They had become even closer. Bodo threw away all his business cards and continued to do odd jobs. Gudrun was absorbed in her job as a teacher and was even more popular with the pupils than before.